Have you had a dream that you pursued with all your might only to strike a roadblock midway? You have all the right intentions. You put in the hard work, push yourself towards your goals, yet its like you are getting nowhere.
That’s what the beginning of this year was like. I had made a plan, set my goals, and thought I was clear on my life vision. I built up momentum, working over time on my blogs, website, articles, and had some wins. Then all of a sudden it all came to a grinding halt. Nothing was moving forward. It was like I was stuck in quicksand, and sinking fast.
So what do you do when you’re stuck in quicksand? You are forced to stop and think. Here I was, forced to contemplate my lost momentum. Eventually it dawned on me, I had been so caught up in the planning and doing that I had forgotten to make sure my foundation was solid. Yes my head had it all sorted, out but my heart wasn’t in on the ride. I was ‘doing’ but not ‘believing’.
My self-belief was lagging behind, way behind. I hadn’t taken the time to align my vision, goals and plans with belief in myself. I hadn’t taken the time to deal with all those niggling and nagging thoughts floating around in my head. I had just ignored them hoping they would just go away. Unfortunately they didn’t, they just got bigger and meaner.
My unresolved self-doubt had permanently slammed on the brakes on my dreams. Whirling around my head were thoughts like, “you can’t make this happen!”, “you don’t have the experience!”, “why would anyone listen to what you have to say?”, and “there’s so much competition how will you ever make it?”. And on, and on, and on. Until I was completely convinced that I wasn’t going to make it.
The relationship you have with self-doubt is like any other relationship that you have experienced. It’s hard to break up even when its over. It’s so familiar, so habitual, that it’s become the norm in your life. You can’t imagine yourself being without doubt – it’s just who you are.
What if that wasn’t true? What if this long-term relationship has held you back, made you feel less than, and dimmed your light. What if the job promotion that slipped by, the romance that fizzled or the finances that evaporated were due to your codependent and at times toxic relationship with your self-doubt?
In that moment I realised that I had been in this toxic relationship for far too long. These constant thoughts of “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not smart enough, “I’ll never succeed”, had undermined my belief in myself and all that is wonderful about me. This toxic relationship had left my my self-worth and self-respect in tatters. I realised that I had believed all these negative and undermining lies. No wonder my life had not turned out like I had planned or envisioned. No wonder my self-belief was at an all time low.
I decided to take a closer look at each of the judgmental and critical thoughts that would arise in my mind. Each morning I would write down these thoughts and take a few moments to breathe and reflect upon them with a clearer perspective. I took each one and flipped it around into a positive, life-giving affirmation that would serve me and enhance my life. One of the toughest was “I will never succeed at my life vision and plans”. It was like an automatic response in my head to anything I was working on at the time. Like a big red flashing light “failure”. Eventually, I flipped it into “I can and I will succeed at anything I put my focus and energy upon”. This was a life changing affirmation for me. I repeated this every day until it became a habitual thought and I believed it. I still practice this each morning.
As I built my self-belief I felt more confident and courageous to face challenges and stretching my comfort zone. I felt more grounded within myself and my unique qualities and talents. I actually began to value these like I never had before in my life. This was not from a place of ego, rather a humble and genuine understanding that I too had something of value to offer the world. As my genuine self-belief flourished it was reflected to me by the people in my life, my relationships, work, creativity, and the quality of my life. By having the courage to break up with self-doubt I had allowed my relationship with self-belief to flourish and deepen so that my life began to transform.
So let’s create a quiet and peaceful place where you can fully immerse into building your confidence. You may like to sit up in bed, sit in a meditative position or in your favourite arm chair. Maybe you would like some background music or simple quiet. Begin by taking three slow breaths. Inhale slowly and steadily and then release slowly and steadily. Each time you breathe out feel yourself relaxing. Bring your awareness to your heartspace and allow yourself to gently connect with your inner self.
Allow yourself to think about the times in your life where you had critical or judgemental thoughts about yourself, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to achieve ….(add in what you think you won’t be able to achieve)”. Were there times when other people were critical of you or judged you? As these thoughts come to mind write them down.
Divide a sheet of paper into two columns – column A and column B. In column A write the self-critical and self-judgmental thoughts that came to mind. For example, “I am not good enough”, “I always fail”, “I’m not as talented as my friend”.
Review column A and now flip each of the self-critical and self-judgmental thoughts into a positive affirmation. For example flip “I’m not good enough because I’m not as smart as the people in my team” to “I am good enough as the people in my team because I have the ability to educate myself”.
Reflect on your positive affirmations daily, in the morning is a great time and repeat them to yourself like a mantra. Practice visualising yourself in several scenarios behaving with these new positive beliefs.
After much soul searching, I developed these daily practices to inspire you to be the happiest, healthiest and most empowered woman you know. I would love for you to share these daily practices with those you love!
I believe in you. I believe in your brilliant LoveLight. Let it shine brightly for all to see.
Copyright 2017 Illira Margaritis